2007: Hip Critic Secretarial Forum

Interviews will be conducted for secretarial positions at Hip and Critical News. Please submit resumes by 1March2007.

Dogs: Insurance Companies Best Friend?

Insurance, insurance, and more insurance. No big secret who runs shit these days; Insurance companies. I'd be prouder of a sister who was a prostitute on the Avenue than a brother who was an insurane agent. Ah, the art of picking your pocket through legislation. What a fucking (t)ripoff. North Kansas City is considering an ordinance that says ALL dogowners must have $100,000 liability insurance. I'm only jumping on the bandwagon because you know how I have love for dogs; being one myself.

I'd personally like to make it mandatory that all parents should have a $500,000 insurance policy for kids. They break windows. They break down fences. They shoot kids at schools. They throw shit at cars when people drive by. They loiter and discard trash everywhere; thereby lowering property values. Maybe its a good thing if everyone has $100,000 liability for dogs? I just think this would put pet ownership in the hands of the mostly wealthy. How about handicapped people? After all, the integrity and character of a great nation is measured by how we treat the less fortunate and disadvantaged classes of people. Many people (who are potential responsible dog owners) could afford a dog (or companion, as I like to call it) IF they were not disadvantaged by high insurance premiums.

This is NOT what our founding fathers had planned for our great nation. Maybe I'll move to Mexico. I am TOTALLY embarrassed to be an American. What a fucking sell-out our politicians are. We've created the very same government we claimed independence from.

Democrats 2007-08 Plan For America

No plan is worse than a very poor plan (READ: Very Poor Plan=BushBashing). The Hip Critic predictions for the 2008 Presidential victor will be the following: Any Republican. Here's why. Democrats will continue throughout 07-08 Bush bashing (READ: In the absence of ANY plan for America). In the meantime, Bush will (READ: without the support of anyone) take care of this little deal in Iraq, somehow pull Bin Laden out of a cave somewhere, and totally surprise America with an illegal immigrant roundup unfathomable. This will restore faith in our current President, restore hope in the majority of American Citizens (with very little consideration for what those who are not think), and seal a victory for nearly anyone running Republican 2008. I'm out.

Amnesty for Pitbulls, Not Illegals.

How dare someone try to ban pitbulls from a park illegal immigrants are welcome at. My dog is documented, nuts cropped, and he's here to stay. Unlike undocumented immigrants, Pitbulls are now welcome at parks in Johnson County.

Illegal Immigrant Assaults Federal Officer

A Nicaraguan national was indicted by a federal grand jury today for illegally reentering the United States and for assaulting a federal law enforcement officer.

HIP CRITIC'S BABY MAMA AWARDS

Your baby will never be the same after being born in Kansas City. The city got an "F" grade in areas like birthing options, safety and child care.

500 Block Bellefontaine Revisited

2 more suspects were arrested for trespassing at 535 Bellefontaine around 9:00pm this evening. They allegedly kicked a door in to keep warm. they were detained a short time later without the suspects trying to run the cops over like yesterday. The suspects were also arrested for outstanding warrants.

311 and Noise Ordinances

Even though I DO NOT believe it will help I've contacted 311 City Action and have made a formal complaint (READ: for 2nd or 3rd time) concerning the Indepepndence and Benton KFC and its lack of social responsibility towards the immediate residential area bordering its property. Quite simply, they refuse to observe ordinances and the city refuses to hold them accountable. The complaints are as follows:

(1) Deliveries during quiet time. (READ: Quiet time is the time protected by code for the rest of persons in the general vicinity). The deliveries are on Saturday a.m between 4-6am and Tuesday Mornings same time. Every week.

(2)Incredible Fucking Hissing Machine. (READ: Once weekly this machine hooks up to the side of the building and a big HISSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS screams out for like 15 minutes). I have no idea what this is although it wakes me up, usually on Wednesdays between 6-7 am.

(3) Drive thru speaker needs turned off during non-business hours. (READ: Every time a car drives thru KFC parking alot, approximately 20x during non-business hours the speaker blurts out "WELCOME TO KFC OUR HOURS ARE 10am-9pm" or whatever). It sounds like the SWAT team outside my house each time someone drives thru.

Thats all. Honestly, the calltaker said nothing would probably be done. I have a confirmation number and I plan to follow it thru. Basically, we have no times during evening hours after the business closes to have peaceful enjoyment. Never. At least 5 nights out of 7 we are totally at the mercy of KFC. Fuck KFC. Thats what I say.

6 Suspected Illegals Molest Teenagers

One suspect has pleaded guilty and 5 others have been charged with having sex with three middle-school girls recently. The men are allegedly illegal mexican immigrants.

Northeast KC and Deliveries Before 7AM

We all agree KFC on Independence Avenue needs chicken deliveries. We had a problem last summer and the asshole was back yesterday morning around 5 a.m. An ordinance exists stating that deliveries to commercial establishments bordering residential neighborhoods cannot be made before 7am. I calmly explained that religious beliefs prevented me from choking the shit out of him. He played stupid about the ordinance and said he'll do something different next time. See, we can all get along. Now, I just need to corner the guy from Deffenbaugh who picks up trash at 4 a.m. twice a week at 528 Benton and the weekly hissing machine at KFC early a.m. I can at least have one day of rest weekly if what this driver tells me is true. Small victories. I still think it would be easier if we lived in a city where the ordinances were enforced by those responsible to do such. Instead, they spend time writing shitty letters to people about chipping paint. When's the last time your sleep was interrupted by a falling paint chip? Or a torn screen? What a fucking joke.

Another Mexican Trafficking Meth

An unsuspecting mexican drug dealer (probably illegal) delivered a pound of "ice" to an address where a suspect was being detained for a computer theft. Another mexican doing jobs Americans won't.

NE Kansas City: 500 Block Bellefontaine

Officer nearly ran over by fleeing suspects after wrestling one crackhead to the ground. See video footage of chase across 4 counties. FYI: the murder suspect from 9th and Chestnut may be holed up inside this complex.

Poor People and Mark Forsythe

Mark Forsythe made his intentions clear concerning monies for disadvantaged or at risk individuals in Kansas City. He even concocted a little Jeopardy skit to reflect his beliefs. In reality, Mark Forsythe fails to commit himself to plans which lend itself to funding for disadvantaged peoples in Kansas City. Claiming to be a numbers man Mr. Forsythe fails to address the actual percentage of Kansas City's fiscal budget (READ: Very low percentages) that reach the low income, homeless, and disadvantaged population in Kansas City. After being encouraged on his website to address the actual numbers in percentages he removed my post. He even goes so far as to say "they wanted me to tell them I would provide more funds for more police. More funds for indigent health care. Mo money, mo money, mo money! The problem is, I'm the finance guy". The real problem is you're insensitive to the current affairs affecting the majority of Kansas Citians, Mark. For real. I hope the poor people of Kansas City mob you on your campaign walk. If you're a numbers man, tell me how many fingers I'm holding up.

Killer Cults in Klansas City?

Family Outraged About Two Deaths while city council remains quiet about more than a hundred last year.

For My Olive-Skinned Friends

If your complexion is slightly beige with yellow undertones and you look good in warm colours like yellow, orange, olive green, and warm brown, chances are you have olive skin.

If You Haven't Done So Already!?

Sec. 64-246. Removal of ice or snow.

It shall be the duty of all persons owning or occupying any real property, fronting upon any street, boulevard or highway, to remove from the sidewalks in front or alongside of such property all ice and snow within a reasonable time after cessation of a storm depositing such ice or snow. The provisions of chapter 62, article III, pertaining to littering, and penalties for violations thereof, shall be applicable to violations of this section.

Cross references: Littering, 62-81 et seq.